Hello all ! Help , I need support and advice !! I am in a hard place with Arianna. Let me start by saying she really is the sweetest thing but she can be very mean to other kids. I am the mother that is always embarrassed because my kid is the one biting, hiting and scratching. We are very consistent with our discipline and it is getting better slowly. But in the mean time how do you deal with criticism from family and others who look on and assume that you just sit back and do nothing when you are working your tail off all day everyday trying to be consistent . AHHH this is so hard. I know it is just a 2 year old stage but it is hard !! I honestly just feel like crying :(
PS Brayden is sooo super sweet so that makes her look worse .
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
HELP NEED SUPPORT
Posted by Katie at 8:52 PM
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19 comments:
Awe Katie...I never knew you got upset..
I have no wisdom for you except I know what you mean because Madisyn litterly cries when we go places like she is scared to death and people look at me like "What is wrong with your kid"
And I want to cry daily...
Oh Katie - this too shall pass. I, too have been the embarrassed parent on many occassions when Austin and Logan would go out into the world and be the not-so-nice kids (yes, biting too!).
If folks are doling out advice, just grin and bear it. Maybe try a "Right now we're focusing on ...(positive reinforcement or whateever). Thank goodness we know that she'll outgrow this phase."
If, however, people are making critical and hurtful statements, well....in my case, I had to step away from my BEST friend for a full year. Austin and Logan were a little too aggressive with her one year old. The strain was just too much for both of us. I was getting mad constantly for her hurtful comments (about my "mean/aggressive" kids). Now that her son can defend himself a bit better and mine have calmed down more, we can play.
I know it's not fun. And I know you feel like crying, but Arianna is a sweet child and even if she's being a bit rough right now, one day everyone will see her sweetness, too.
As for us, with the discipline, we're just consistent, too. A LOT of time outs or "we'll leave if x happens." I'ld like to say that worked, but truly I think it helped, but that time of growing out of it was the biggest factor in the behaviour's diminishing (sp?).
(((hugs))
Katie, I really don't have any advice but it does sound like a stage. As far as people who are critical, they have either do not have children or it has been so long since children that they don't remember. There are plenty of us who can sympathize with you! I think you are doing what is right, and that is disicplining her and being consistent with it. Good luck!
Oh Katie, we have been through this off and on with Brayden. He has always been a "tough" kid...always trying to be the alpha dog. We, too, try to be consistent and work through it daily. Since Layna came home, he tends to direct it at her more than other children too. She is so sweet and just doesn't deserve it. That makes it harder for me to keep my cool about it all. It is a daily challenge here in our house. Brayden is in time out and/or sent to his room A LOT. He hits, pushes, snatches toys away and uses mean tones of voice.
It is very hard when you feel you are being judged. I always feel like my kid is the only one doing these things. I remember my MIL making a comment about how challenging Brayden is and it pierced my heart. I hated hearing someone else say that. I know he can be a challenge, but like Arianna, he is also very sweet.
Please know that you are not alone. My motto is "this too shall pass" and it seems to come true consistently. It is so hard when you are in the thick of it though...I know and understand.
I hope in time this gets better and better...keep us posted.
Katie, I am there with Reese. He often just hits kids. I have some who are just critical. All kids have difficulty with this. SOme just deal with it differently. I have found most of the time it is really a language barrier. They don't know how to express themselves, and it comes out in aggression (I am a developmental therapist in my old life). As a parent this is hard to take.
You know what, I love her spunk. I hope she always sticks with it. It is not easy now, butit will get her far in life.
You know, not every child is perfect, and people need to accept that. She is getting to an age where rewards may start to work when she uses her words, or plays well for a certain event or time period. I have found that often positive reinforcement goes much further than even consistent discipline. My youngest daughter is a perfect example. Her behavior gets worse with discipline, but you should see the reaction to praise!!
Be consistant with her punishments she will get it soon enough!!! Abby hates time out in the corner and man that broke her of ALOT of hitting!!!!
And i think we talked about people and their critical opinions earlier!!! LOL
Remember the first time Abby saw Arianna she smacked her in the face!!! WE have some latino divas on our hands let me tell you!!! LOL
Girl, I'm stalking and hoping to get some advice myself. I can't wait until our two girls get together at Gfest...the sparks are going to fly.
On a more serious note. I am one of those embarrassed parents, too. It used to be cute when she was smaller and people would laugh. Not so much anymore. Maybe I should put a sign on Gia that says, "I've already spent half of my life in time-out...cut my mom a break."
Wish I could help you out a little more but I think we are in the same shoes here.
Good Luck:)
oh Katie, we too are dealing with the temper tantrums with our youngest. She is almost two and has has been doing these since she was TEN months old! It is hard and we are one of those parents that when she acts up in a restaurant and/or store, one of takes her OUT and if she doesn't calm down or we can't distract her, we leave. At home, we've just started to consistently put her in her crib, leave the light on, shut her door and let her scream it out. She is a screamer big time and when smaller, would throw herself down and it was so scary with her head. It's slowly slowly slowly gotten better and I've noticed more and more that she is now spending only about 10 minutes in her crib to calm down. Don't worry what other people think, truly know you are doing your very best and it's alot of "tough love" that we as parents have to do and it's harder than blazes.
Hang in there, it will get better and know we all understand and will say special prayers and send big big hugs your way {HUG}
Rhonda
http://fourchildrenrus.blogspot.com/
You are so not alone! John can throw these major temper tantrums with hitting, biting and hairpulling. I keep reading and searching online as I get comments about how "no other children I know get that angry". From what I read it is common and it is important to watch for "triggers". I know for John it is when he is tired. Just keep doing what you are doing and try to ignore the comments...I know it is hard.
That is so tough. We just say we are "working on it" and then take the child away from the other children. Unless we are close to the adults, we don't feel a need to explain what "working on it" means.
Please continue to do what you do !!!!! being consistant is the key, and DON'T WORRY about what other families are thinking. continue on this journey, and they WILL SEE that you ARE working your butt off !!!!! GOOD LUCK.
Please continue to do what you do !!!!! being consistant is the key, and DON'T WORRY about what other families are thinking. continue on this journey, and they WILL SEE that you ARE working your butt off !!!!! GOOD LUCK.
Hi Katie, I know what you mean. Isabella was never like that but Gabrielle is, she bites, off and on, broke her of that finally, she hits and screaches at the top of her lungs, maybe trying to make up for her size. I think if Holly makes up that shirt for Gia I want one too, Gaby is in timeout ALL the time. I guess being consistent is the only thing im doing.
Hi Katie. I am sorry that you are feeling so frustrated. Sophia is younger but she is kind of rough too. She has bitten, pushed and just been a little rotten with other kids. She doesn't mean to be mean she just likes to play rough. We are working on it too.
Dmitry was a biter. He was SO good but would get over excited in groups of kids and bite them. I got alot of remarks from parents but usually because they thought I was mean. I never yelled or hit but I believe you say what you mean and mean what you say. If I told Dmitry that if he bit someone we would leave and go home I stuck by that and for some reason my friends didn't agree with it. It bothered me a lot but I finally just started ignoring it because I felt I was doing what was right for us.
I still get remarks about being a "Mean mom" but they all fall over themselves to be around my son so really I must have done something right.
I guess I don't really have advice for you. Just support. I have watched your blog for a while now and really I don't understand how anyone could feel bad about your kids you are doing a great job with all of them!
Hannah
Olivia went through and continues to go throught the biting stage, and she will be 3 in October. The key for her seems to be consistency as well as explaining, in terms she understands, why we do not bite. For example she bit our good friend and babysitter, Amanda, when she was watching her. Instead of saying we don't bite it hurts people, or some other general explanation, I asked her if she likes when Amanda comes to play with her. She said yes and I asked her if she would be sad if Amanda stopped coming. She started to get a panicked look and I told her Amanda likes to play with you too but when you bite her she does not like it and she might not want to come back. About 3 hours later she told me if she bite Amanda she wont play, so I think she sorta got it. As for other parents I would just say its a stage she is going through and something we are working on. Leave it at that and I would think most people would be satisfied. Good luck, and hang in there it will get better.
Brandy Schmidt
Have you tried putting her in a preschool program for a couple days a week. I hear that really helps b/c they don't want to be pointed out by the teacher and want to fit in w/ their peers. I've seen change in toddlers when they go to school and interact with others.
Hey Katie. Yes, you are NOT alone! My oldest was actually our child who hit, pinched, and bit others. She's been our "easiest" child in most ways, but when it came to showing frustration...this is what she did! So, I was also an "embarassed mom" at many playdates. I will say we just kept being consistent about it not being tolerated and she finally "got it". Does she still do it? Yes, from time to time. However, now she will only pinch and/or bite her little sisters!!!
Now, the twins...they are not aggressive; however, they can throw the biggest tantrums and they are quite stubborn...especially Kloey! We've started just making her sit in her room until she calms down and it seems to be working.
Anyway, I'm right there with you and hoping these are "tough years/phases"! ;)
Anybody who judges you for the behavior of a two year old probably doesn't have kids, or had them a LONG time ago and doesn't remember. It is their JOB to test us. You are doing exactly what you're supposed to do.
Well, you know I have a wild child who likes to be in charge. I'm struggling with discipline myself. If I put Gabriella in a timeout, she loses her ever-loving mind. She totally freaks.
I say let's put Gia, Gabriella and Arianna in a padded room together at G-Fest and put a hidden camera on them and see what happens!!!
and I agree with the others who say people who criticize either don't have kids or it's been a long time since they had a 2-year old.
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